Monday, April 16, 2012

Be Forewarned

Oh, happy day! Today I picked the first of the asparagus that grows wild on our place. Most of the asparagus are waiting for warmer temperatures to send up their succulent shoots, but a few hardy plants braved the frost to bless us with a taste of spring.

Asparagus is said to be something of a superfood, as each spear is jam-packed with fiber and antioxidants. Over the years and across the globe, asparagus has been prescribed as a diuretic, a lung and skin tonic, a treatment for ulcers and digestive disorders, and an aphrodisiac. Internet legend has even touted asparagus’ strong cancer-fighting properties.

“Ah,” you may be saying to yourself, “maybe I should go pick some asparagus for myself!” No, wait! Hold on!

There’s one thing about asparagus that the nutritionists and holistic medicine folks won’t tell you: it can be extremely addictive. Scientists have yet to discover what’s in asparagus, chemically-speaking, that causes OCAHS (Obsessive Compulsive Asparagus Hunting Syndrome), but the condition is very real.

Don’t believe me? Just head out to the country, and you’ll spy us asparagus junkies surreptitiously prowling the roadsides, canals, and ditchbanks. I say “surreptitiously” for two reasons: one, we don’t want other OCAHS to know where our caches are; two, we’re very likely to be trespassing on property not our own. Just as with many other addictions, OCAHS drives normally upstanding citizens into a life of crime. Even if we don’t end up in jail, we may very well cause traffic accidents; if we’re driving and spy an asparagus patch, our feet will compulsively slam on the brakes!

“Whoever goes hunting for what is right and kind finds life itself—
glorious life!” PROVERBS 21:21

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